I fear that it’s getting near the end for me

I have a psych consult in about a month for the way I’ve been feeling, but I’m not sure it’s worth sticking around for.

I see friends and lovers go that route, and they get on the never-ending drug carousel. This drug, this dose, taper up on this, taper down on that, deal with insurance and prior auths, let’s try this off label. At the end their pocketbooks are lighter and THEY’RE STILL NOT HAPPY.

I think that it might be better if I just save the multiple rounds of disappointing my family and friends, the weeks of instability and unreliability, and just instead resign the game now. Yes, it will hurt the ones around me. Once though. Not every few months when something else in my brain chemistry changes or when the drugs stop working or my therapist changes and the new one sucks ass.

I can’t be happy, but I just want them to be happy. They deserve better, and I deserve freedom.